Nick's (Franz Ferdinand) birthday is tomorrow. This one is for him.
Happy birthday Nick! ^____^
Outsiders. My little first-person narration experiment. It will probably see a sequel and a comic by distorted eye if things go well. Based on 2 drawings by the same distorted eye ^___^ Enjoy.
~Photokisser
Drawings:
1) Nick and Alex:
http://Distorted-Eye.deviantart.com/art/Outsiders-Alex-and-Nick-146506812
2) Bob and Paul:
http://Distorted-Eye.deviantart.com/art/Outsiders-Bob-and-Paul-146506889
***
The Archduke Franz Ferdinand Boarding school for Talented Youth. The school I attend, the one place I'd do anything to be in. And also, ironically, the one place I hate the most in the world. It's the kind of school that mostly rich kids attend even if their 'talent' amounts to almost zero. Reputation is all that matters in this place. Reputation and money.
The 'FF' as it's called by us, has the best equipment and staff you can find. Kids can attend here all the way from preschool to college and there's a whole city neighboring it that plays the role of a campus. For those who are actually talented and didn't get in only thanks to their old man having cash and status there are lots of places to work in case they haven't got enough money. Sounds good, but it's not. The pressure from the rich rascals is too much for some to handle.
I have only one good memory of this place. I attended the FF when I was a kid. There were three guys I used to hang out with. We spent a lot of time but then I moved to Germany. I forgot everything about them. I don't know how and I certainly didn't realize when that happened. I know that didn't want to forget, but it just happened in the feverish rush after adapting to the new environment. Now, I have no pictures, no contacts and almost no memories of them. I remember only one situation: our teacher asked us who did we want to become when we grew up. Our - sort of - leader said he had a dream of becoming a mafia boss, another one a zombie and the third one wanted to work in fast food. Ironically, he did come from a rich family.
They were the only reason I came back here. But after ten years it was impossible to find them. Well, maybe it's better this way. Sometimes I get the feeling that something terrible would happen if I came back not remembering and met them without recognizing. I know I would feel – at least – offended by something like that. Probably also betrayed. I suspect that maybe they changed school. I sort of expected it. We weren't exactly the most likable group.
What I didn't expect, however, after my disappointing search was that my boring life in the FF could change so drastically.
Naturally, he was introduced at homeroom. “Mr. Kapranos” was different from the rest. In here people are categorized in 3 groups: the rich-brats, arrogant nerds and the weirdos, the ones that came to the school because they were made to, or had other terrifyingly weird reasons to come here.
The boy who entered the class was neither. He was just better than any other person in the academy. Prouder than those wealthy twats, better than the nerds and the weirdest of us. But more importantly, he had them. So beautiful, perfectly gray, not to small and not to big.
Perfect wings.
Not everyone has them. Wings, the ability and potential to fly, to dream. I myself lack them. I remember my three friends having them as well. That something special that only I could notice. Why, I wonder. Why am I granted this ability of seeing something that I could never have? This cruel fate just makes my life miserable.
“I'm Alex...” the boy introduced himself. His voice lacked emotions. He seemed to be thinking he's too good to introduce himself to a bunch of bugs. He was scary... The teacher pointed out his seat. It was next to some rich bloke who kept the place beside him empty so he could invite and molest some girl when one transfers to our class. Or speaking shortly, Dave, the Perverted. Alex ignored the teacher and picked a different seat. Next to me. Nobody even dared to protest. He gave of an aura of invincibility, like he'd kill you if you even dared to say anything. I glanced at him and for just a second saw him smirk confidently and blink at me.
The teacher felt it would be better to just ignore him for now and continued with the school business. I hid my face in my arms and continued to do what I was doing up until now: lying on the desk and thinking. At the moment it was Alex I was thinking of. I could feel his feathers brushing my arm. Just being around this kind of a person was more than I could comprehend.
I squeezed the pencil in my fingers and moved my arm a little. “Nick. Nice to meet u.” my hand wrote on the table. I didn't look up. I was afraid. I could already see the look of disgust in his eyes. Because of that, and only that I continued to lye until the bell rang. I was never more awake and more aware of what was going on around me than on that lesson. I could feel my back stiffening at the beginning and then hurting me when I was too nervous to relax. As soon as the bell finished ringing I was already outside the classroom not looking back to face my deskmate.
“Nick!' I heard Paul's voice on the corridor and turned around. The two were heading towards me and I was more than certain what will be the subject of our next conversation. Bob and Paul were probably my only mates in the FF. They were friends from when I too attended this school and since that time they were always together. The dark-haired Paul was really rich (but unexpectedly OK) and surprisingly loved burgers, while the other was an artist and his family did his best to help his abilities flourish. The school's art group had the best quality art supplies and frequent meetings with famous artists. Of course, never the ones Bob wanted to meet. That's how it usually is with different possibilities.
Neither Paul nor Bob had wings. What they had was a couple of perfect-gray feathers pointing out of their shoulders. But it was better than nothing. Maybe those feathers could grow into wings one day? was what I often thought when looking at them. It was actually quite possible. They weren't the type of people who I usually spot wings on but they most definitely deserved them.
To be honest, I wasn't really attracted to those two at the beginning. They were just mates I could talk to. Nobody special. Just not to be isolated too much. I grew quite fond of them, especially recently. They seem like air-heads but they are fairly aware of their surroundings.
“Who is that guy?” Paul asked looking around just to make sure nobody was listening to us. I knew there were quite a lot of girls and guys looking at me with an evil glare. Jealousy? Maybe hate? The sensation of their position being endangered? Maybe they thought I could pose a greater threat to them now. “I wonder why he'd sit with you. I mean, I know anybody would switch just to be as far away as possible from that perv, Dave but he didn't even know him. I guess he understands everything about this school from just one look! I wonder what made him even transfer here...” I noticed Paul was glaring at me, expecting something but I couldn't understand what it was.
“Yeah...” I agreed not exactly knowing what I should say. I couldn't tell them about the wings. They wouldn't understand it. Or so I told myself. But then again, I was probably just afraid that I'd even lose those two. And I am tired of having people stolen away from me.
We went to our spot. It's in the part that students were not permitted to go to so there were never many people there. But even there we were spotted. Not by the staff but by Christopher's errand boy.
Christopher, also called the Captain, is like the student council head and probably the most important person around. He was just unlucky enough to pick that kind of nick name. He probably thought it would be cool like West Ham Captain or something of that sort, but it made the exact opposite reaction on me and as I once found out on Bob and Paul too. When we heard his name for the first time we could only think of a fat bearded old man with too little hair and a pipe in his lips. "The Captain" is the exact opposite though. I can't say he's not intelligent. In fact he's quite smart and he himself knows that. And he isn't easy to shut up. While the other guys who thought I'd be afraid of them gave out after a little talk I managed to get them off of me. Christopher on the other hand didn't let words to force him to do something. He also doesn't rely only on his position and also I had to come to a little agreement with him before acquiring my peaceful life.
“Hey Nick” I was greeted coldly by the boy. The moment those words came out of his lips I could feel myself being in the way of Paul's killing intent. Yeah, this guy is Pete. Or Kenz as everybody calls him. He naturally acquired a quite big amount of strength and muscles and now likes using it on any occasion. Paul is one of his victims. I still feel a bit sad when I look at his chipped teeth. “I just came to tell you... Don't think that just because you have a new ally you can just brake off the agreement.”
“What?” I couldn't believe my ears. “He just sat next to me that's all!”
“Yeah right. I saw him scribbling messages to you all the time... He belongs to the Captain.” He hissed the last words with such content and hatred that it was obvious what he meant by those words.
My blood was boiling. I didn't know if it was because of the loathing or my surprise. Whatever the reason was I decided to bring it all out on Kenz. The idiot deserved it.
“Fuck off, you wanker...” I whispered. “As if you'd understand how special he is!” I hit him first in the stomach and afterwards in his cheek. He fell to the ground. He could've worked out for a hundred years for all I know, but he didn't have much experience in fighting. After attending a public school in Germany one is bound to learn how to fight and defend oneself.
“Let's go” I said putting my hands in the pockets of my uniform trousers. I wasn't necessarily trying to act cool as some would think but I was trying to hide my hands from Bob and Paul. I was clenching my fists so tight that my knuckles were probably white. I was so angry I didn't care too much for the lying pawn. Paul and Bob followed me a bit overwhelmed by my sudden outburst. We didn't really talk much after that.
I left them after we got to the students lunch area. I didn't tell them where I was heading even though they were asking. But, I had to check it. The moment I disappeared from their eyesight I ran to the classroom. The door wasn't closed and thank god for that. I slipped in and rested against the door listening if anybody was approaching. I relaxed when there were no footsteps heard. Immediately my face was covered in a blush. I couldn't believe it. Not only did I openly call somebody I never knew special I was more than excited to hear I received a message from him. I never knew that somebody's wings could have such an effect on me.
I found my table at the back of the class. I was lucky to have it there. It was in a place that nobody would pass and accidentally glance at what Alex wrote. That was a message for me and only me. I knew it.
The wood was clear of any writings. There was no message there. And it looked like it was erased with an eraser.
I felt an overwhelming sadness. I wanted to cry. I wanted to know him. Nothing more. Just to be his friend. I could only blame my stupid character for that. The more I wanted to know somebody the harder it got for me. That's why it was so easy with Bob and Paul. I didn't really care that much at the beginning. And I was really thankful it turned out like that.
I rested on the chair and leaned forward. I was tired. I had nothing to do now. There was no point. I rested my head on the table and took a short nap that ended when the bell rang. The bell that announced the end of the lesson. I opened my eyes and looked around, everything seemed blurred to my unadjusted eyes. Before I knew what was going on he was already gone. But I had nice dreams while I was asleep. I didn't remember any of them but I could always feel the sensation of Alex's feathers tickling my arm.
When I woke up I was disappointed to find the seat next to me empty. Bob and Paul were probably on their way to the dormitory too. I slacked off before leaving the class. After everybody had left I checked the desk again. Some part of me wished that Alex left something for me. That idiot Kenz. With my hopes up like that I just couldn't focus...
Our dorms are divided into two parts. The one for the rich kids with everything high class and all, and the one for the less wealthy children. There the rooms were double and there were some other inconveniences compared to the better part but nobody thought of it as a problem too but that wasn't a problem. Unfortunately I wasn't in the same parts as Bob and Paul and so I pretty much ignored most of the crowd walking past my door. Since I was the last one to transfer in a long time to this dorm I had the whole room to myself. Or so I thought.
When I opened the door I found my stuff being tossed around the room mixed with some of his stuff. Yes, Alex was sitting on the bed (my bed) and seemed to have made himself totally comfortable in my room. I won't say it was unexpected, I was quietly hoping I would share my room with him but I did expect him to be in the other part.
I stared at him, at his wings with total reverence.
“Hi” he said. His deep voice was nice to listen to. It was totally different then what I heard in class.
“Hi...” I said quietly hoping to have a conversation with him but afraid to do the first move. Like always.
“I hope you don't mind me staying here” he continued.
“No, not at all!” I tried not to look at him but my eyes were too attracted to him and his wings. I remembered that he too had wings like Alex's that boy I used to spend time with when I was a child.
“Sorry about the trouble I gave you...” he whispered with honest concern. I was amazed. I didn't expect him to be like this. I thought he'd be a though guy but I found him actually showing good manners and true human feelings that I almost didn't receive in this place except for when being around Bob and Paul and some of the nicer teachers.
“Don't worry about it” I don't know if I smiled or not. I didn't know if I should. “They're all just a bunch of idiots... This school is so corrupted, you can rarely find anybody good to spend time with.”
“Bob and Paul seem nice” Alex said as if he tried to stay optimistic.
“Oh, they're OK, great guys, actually” I said. I wondered when he'd had the chance to meet them. And why was he staring at me so intensely, like Paul did not too long ago.
After that none of us said anything. I knew I should've said something more but I just hadn't the courage to do so. We went on to doing our stuff and didn't say anything till night fall. Only once I thought I heard him whisper something about protecting me if anything happens to me because of him. But it was probably just my imagination. I was just expecting too much. When he left the room to do something I found his feather on the floor. That beautiful gray feather. I put it in my wallet. I don't know if feathers alone are visible to other people. And I don't plan on ever getting rid of it. I collect them for some odd reason. They're all tagged in my wallet. Name, date and place. I almost never forgot a person with wings. Except for the boy from my childhood.
The whole next day I felt like I was being watched. And it was not by just one person. I felt glares coming from every direction.
I was 'kidnapped' during the lunch break. A couple of guys surrounded me and led me to a quiet place where it would be impossible for a teacher, or anybody for that matter, to find us. I cursed the school for being so big.
I was surprised to see that even Christopher came to see my humble defeat. Whenever I see him I still feel outraged. All because he too has wings. Not as big and gray as Alex's but certainly they make quite the impression on somebody who sees them.
“I thought I made myself clear when I said you shouldn't get along with Mr. Kapranos” that was all he said.
“You have no idea who this guy is...” I whispered. “He has 'em! They're bigger, better and more beautiful than yours! You don't have the right to lick dust from his shoes...” After that speech I could see Christopher's face filled with anger and confusion. I was blabbering nonsense to anybody who didn't see them. But he didn't say anything. He just nodded to Kenz.
I was beat up to a pulp. I had no chance against ten guys working-out every day. I tried to defend myself but was quickly caught and immobilized. Late, i thought it all stopped for one moment. Later, there was a weird commotion but I was too tired and hurt to see anything. All I wanted was to sleep. But just before I passed out I could swear I saw Alex's shoes. One black, the other white. Wow, that guy really had the style.
I woke up in the same place I fainted. Alex was sitting besides the wall resting his back against it. His wings were as beautiful as always. But they were different. Drops of blood tainted the grey feathers. He himself was beat up too.
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!” I shouted quickly. I shrouded as pain filled my entire body.
“Bob and Paul were here too...” he said.
I was angry. I got everybody involved. I didn't want to make any excuses because there were none I could make. I said nothing. He didn't open his lips either. After finally gathering enough strength we crawled to the nearest bathroom. I happily found out that my face was in a worse state than his.
“Why did you come...” I asked. I was angry with him.
“Why shouldn't I? You got into this because of me so I can't stand by and watch you get the beating of your life” was what he said. Yeah, right. As if you'd taint your conscience with my pain. I was a step away from bursting to tears. So weak. He was much better than me. He shouldn't have tainted his wings with blood. Why would he do that?
“You don't get it, do you...” I whispered. “If anything happens to me it's OK. But you... You have them, you can fly, fly higher than anybody I've ever seen... Then why? Why deal with earthly affairs when you have the whole sky to fly around?”
“I could ask you the same thing” Alex said calmly. I looked at him surprised. What did he mean? “Why do you hide them?” he stepped behind me. I stared at his face in the mirror. I felt a tickling sensation on my back. But it wasn't exactly on my back. Then, there was this nice sensation on my back. Like he was stoking it. But he wasn't.
And then, he showed it to me. First the feather. Beautiful gray. I thought it was his but it clearly wasn't. The shape was a bit different, less pointy and more curved. Also the color was a bit whiter than his. Then he pointed at my shoulders. There they were. Wings. How? I don't know. But I had wings. Wings more beautiful than those of Christopher or any other person in the school. They could even compete with Alex's wings.
“I have wings...?” I said with disbelief. The only thing I could think of was how amazing he was. He and my wings. I rested my back against the wall and slid down.
“I guess you didn't lie at that time...” Alex said to my surprise. “When I asked you if in seventeen years you'd still be Nicolas McCarthy..." I glanced up at him blankly. Some distant memory awaken in my head but I couldn't remember it clearly.
He opened the door to the bathroom, next to me and wanted to leave. I grabbed his trousers around the ankle and didn't let go.
“There's been some change...” I said “But we're still Outsiders.”
We stayed that way until the bell finally rang. Me holding his trousers and he leaning on the door probably wondering if he'd ever get out of this bathroom. I was happy. I finally remembered. Us. The Outsiders. Us four. Alex, me, Paul and Bob. At the same time I shivered in fear. What was going to be the punishment for my forgetting? I was afraid to even imagine it. Alex. As gentle and good mannered as he was, was a demonic, winged mafia boss on the inside.
